One Easter weekend. One boy. Three terrible movies.
Furry Vengeance (2010)
Brendan Fraser packs up his wife and "city boy" son and plants them in a housing development that he's overseeing. The only thing is that the master-planned community is being built on a government-owned forest. And the animals aren't happy about that. In this highly offensive and ridiculously stereotypical [so-called] comedy film, Fraser goes mad trying to match wits with the critters, much to his boss' dismay.
I remember the previews for this movie. I remember seeing it in cinemas. But, one thing I didn't remember was how awful it really was. That one guy who seems to be in everything nowadays plays a character who shouts random noise at people for no reason, trying to sound like he's from Thailand or the Phillipines, or something. Fraser has a right-hand man, who's Hispanic, who emerges from the bushes as if he was doing landscaping or something. An elderly lady is usually seen in the movie repeating a muttered phrase about pinecones and Bessie the Cow. It's all really weird, and could come across as offensive.
The film has a lot of naughty moments, and references that will go over kids' heads, including a Cypress Hill song at the end! I mean, really?! The randomness in the movie is supposed to be comical, and sometimes charming. But, the whole movie is pretty unsettling, and unbelievably dumb. It's not the worst movie I've ever seen, because it's not meant to be bad--at least, I don't think. But, it is pretty bad.
2/10
Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London (2004)
Since we're all brickfilmers here, everyone probably already knows how it feels to step on a LEGO brick. Well, let's say you had about five LEGO bricks stuck in your shoes, and you weren't allowed to take them off--maybe you were at church, or something. That's the same feeling you get when you watch this movie.
In the sequel that makes its predecessor look like a masterpiece, Frankie Muniz returns in the titular role as a boy who must defeat his evil camp counselor and a discount Ben Kingsley from implanting a fake dental filling into the mouths of the world's leaders, thus using mind control to take over the world. Whew. And I thought the storylines of an ordinary spy film were ridiculous.
The movie is so annoying, and a lot of times it just doesn't make sense. It's scenes are pointless, the cinematography is poor, and the CGI is atrocious. It's painful to look at, uncomfortable to sit through, and overall a terrible sequel to a terrible movie.
And to think that this is the kinda crap that I grew up with.
1/10
Ladder 49 (2004)
In this drama from the director of My Dog Skip, Joaquin Phoenix is a rookie fireman who learns a lot about firefighting along the way, especially from the help of John Travolta, the chief firefighter of Engine Co. 33.
With too simple a story, corny acting, an overabundance of cliches, and a manipulative film overall, the end of the movie leaves you wondering what Larry King was thinking when he called the film "terrific".
5.5/10
And to think I could have been watching a quality movie, like something from the Fast and Furious series...[/foreshadowing]
Have you seen a big-chinned boy?
There wasn't a single boring shot. This film Defenestrated me head first out of several windows and I loved it!
