Topic: Script reading Of Comedy?
So I have this script for a film I want to try. My main goal is to try and get some humor through dialogue while telling a story. I want to make a series out of this idea of a group of people working together in the office with diffrent jobs. Before I really start making the opening or whatever I need your opinion on the script for the pilot. I want to involve the community and make it something we can all enjoy. This will have clean humor and language. So enjoy below as tou read: Ninja Cat Studios Pilot by Ninja Cat and Pancake.
(And grammer is not perfect! Where still finding tiny mistakes! For more info on most of the characters go to the casting call in the audio forum.)
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Pilot
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Open with Brian's home with the phone ringing
Sarah: Brain! Could you get that get?
Brian walks from one side of the room and picks up the phone.
Brian: Hello? Oh hey Jason,is my computer fixed?---its not fixed?----
its on fire? Ill-ill be right in.
Walks over to the kitchen
Sarah: Hey Brian! Who was on the phone?
Brain: Oh, it was Jason. He was just telling me my computer was on fire. Hopefully the
hard drive still works.
Sarah: Im sure its fine. Jake! Matt!
Brian: They're going to be late to school if they don't hurry.
Jake and Matt run into the room grab their stuff and leave in
a hurry.
Matt: Hey mom!
Jake: We're just running a bit late. See ya, bye!
Matt: Come on Jake!
Brian sits there.
Brian: Well at least they know you.
Jake runs back and grabs backpack
Jake: Hi Dad! And good morning!
Jake leaves
Brian: Well.. ill need to go to the office. Ill be back around four.
Sarah: On your way to work, could you take the cat into the V-E-T? He needs his shots
for the day
Brian: Sure! Ill take him to the vet
Sarah: Don't say that! He'll hear you!
Cat running in the background into the room
Brain: Sarah, the cat is a stupid animal, its not smart enough to know the word vet.
Cat runs out of the room
Pause
Brain: I guess he is smart.
OPENING
Camera opens with the front secretaries desk
and Brain coming out of the elevator.
Brian: Hey Rachel, do I any messages?
Rachel: Hey Brian! And yes, your boss called and said that he wants you to cover the press
conference for the closing of several local shops today.
Brian: Thanks Rachel! And can you get me some water?
Rachel: Sure thing Brian.
Jason walks in
Jason: Brian! Glad I caught you!
Brian: Jason! How's my computer?
Jason: Well the fire started when some new hardware burst into flames.
Brian: Oh, what am I supposed to write my articles on?
Jason: Well I was thinking about it and ifound an old, clunky Windows 98 computer!
Pulls up box behind him.
Brian: Jason...Windows 98 isn't the best software to have. It's like a dinosaur in this age.
The dinosaurs are dead.
Jason: Well its either that or a stone tablet
Rachel hands Brian the water. The windows 98 computer catches on fire.
Jason looks at clock
Jason: Well I better go fix some other computers. See ya.
Brian Takes his cup of water and dumps it on the computer.
Brian: Stupid Windows 98.
Scene fades
Scene opens with Brian in his office. Brian is working
till he gets a phone call.
Phone rings
Brain: Oh hey Dr.Jim! Hows my cat?
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Brain:What do you mean he escaped
---------
Brian:Took out your security and started a rebellion?. He's also taking people hostage?
Dr. Jim? Dr.Ji m?
Hangs up
Scott comes in
Scott: Brian! Ready to go?
Brian: Scott! We have that conference. We better get moving
Scott: So hows everything?
Brian:Well, my family fine, but my cat has taken the vet hostage.
Scott: Is this normal.
Brian: Sometimes. I noticed he started reading books on self-defense moves and rebellion.
should probably take those away.
Walks out of office
Sid: Hey, I heard your cat was rebelling. Need help? I got some training techniques. Im
used to these situations.
Brian: Hostage situations?
Sid:No, specifically Cat hostage situations. Its more common than you think.
Brian:Um... I think I'm good. I like my cat the way it is.
Sid:If you ever need me, just call.
Tries to spin his rifle out is drops and goes off.
Brian: Rachel...
Rachel: Calling Tim now.
Scott: Lets get out of here Brian.
Brian:*Antsy* Lets go.
Scenes fades
Scene shows Brian walking in the door of his
apartment.
Sarah: Brian! Your home!
Brian puts his stuff down and walks to the couch
Sarah: Brian,whats wrong
Brian: Sarah, I just had to interview store owners about losing their local businesses
They are losing all their lives work over one lousy skyscraper.
Sarah: Thats terrible!
Brian:I know! I have feeling that I need to help, but I cant do anything.
Sarah: Brian, your a journalist, right?
Brian:A journalist? Sarah, I've been married to you for over eleven years and your just finding
this out?
Sarah: Well, why don't you use your paper to get the community involved to help stop it
Brian: Sarah,you are genius...
Knock on the door
Brian: Come in
Jake comes in
Sarah: Hi, Jake just please go to your room. Me and your father are having a
private conversation.
Jake:Ughh again?!
Brian: Yes so go to your room and play with your electronic doo dad.
Jake: Its called a PSP!
Brian: Well go to your room and with your P-P or whatever it is
Jake "leaves"
Brian: So next thing tomorrow I will do that.
Jake: Do what?!
Brian: NOTHING! Wait! Wheres Matt and the cat?
Jake: I forgot!
Jake runs out of the house.
Brian: Well I need to head to the office to write up that article.
Sarah: Ok Brian. I'll see you later tonight.
Scene fades
Brian walks out elevator to find Tim sweeping the floor.
Brian: Hey Tim.
Tim: Hey Brian! How's my favorite journalist!
Brian: I'm you favorite journalist?
Tim: No. Not really. Your in my top ten though.
Brian: Which, which number was I?
Tim: Ten.
Brian: Oh. Well anyway I need to write an article up. See you later.
Brian goes into his office and starts typing. Tim then makes a lot of noise. Brian then gets annoyed.
Brian: Tim, do you have to be cleaning with that loud music?
Tim: Wait, is that annoying you?
Brian: Yes Tim. I need to type this article up tonight. Can you go clean another office?
Tim: Sure. I'll just clean and play my music in another room.
Tim leaves. Brian then starts typing till music starts up in another room.
Scene switches to Brian's home. Brian walks in and hangs his stuff up. Sarah walks out and greets him.
Sarah: Hey Brian! Your home late. What took you so long?
Brian: Sarah, I never hated Tim's selection of music my entire life, but I finished the article and I can't wait to go to bed. How's everything?
Sarah: Jake and Matt are home, and the cat crisis is solved.
Brian: Good, I'll go in tomorrow morning to the protests and see if I can help out. Lets go to bed.
Turns to leave then stops when Sarah speaks.
Sarah: Don't forget to bring the cat in!
Brian opens the door. The cat runs in. While Brian is locking the door the cat shuts his bedroom door.
Brian: Stupid cat.
Scene switches to Brian's front office. Most of the office workers are out front waiting for Brian.
Brian: Hey guys, whats going on?
Scott: We heard that your going down to the protest. We know you feel strongly about this situation, so were going to go down to help.
Alex: Got that right. I'm not going to let those business men tear down those buildings.
Jason: Yup! I need a break from the computers.
All look at Thatch.
Thatch: I guess I could go. What about my patient? I can't leave him.
Elevator door opens to revel Thatch's patient.
John: Hey Dr. Thatch. What's going on?
Thatch: John, Something just came up and. . .
John: You hate me. Don't worry I understand.
Jones: No one hates you John. We just need to solve a crisis.
John: Its not that cat crisis is it?
Brian: No. Lets just leave guys.
All turn to leave and leave John alone. John turns and sees the ninja.
John: Just you and me.
John looks away while talking and turns back.
John: Do you have any water? He's gone. I knew that ninja hated me. They all think I'm crazy seeing ninjas. All well. Goes to stair well door. Behind the door is the ninja. Scene fades.
The group arrives at near the building site
Brian: Where too late! I thought they would tear it
Thatch: I guess they tore them down early.
Brian: *sarcastically* Thanks, like I didn't know that.
Thatch: Well I thought it would help.
Scott: It helped me
Everyone except Scott: Nobody cares Scott.
Scott: My mom cares.
Brian: Look! They're some one there!
Someone kneeled down breaking down in tears
Brian: Hey whats wr-
Thatch:*Sounding "cool"* Step aside rookie
Nudges Brian away
Thatch: *wispering* I got this!
Thatch: *awkwardly*Heyy... whats wrong bud. Im sorry for your..you know..the... yeah..
*Brian facepalm
Man in tears: My store! *sniffle* 80 years it was there. Now the stupid paper company took it down! *Sobs*
Brian: Its alright bud! You know, we could use some workers in our facility.
Scott: We do?
*Brian hits Scott*
Brian: *speaking with its teeth together* We do...
Scott: Yes! Ohh I almost forgot!
Brian: Here, We'll bring you to the place.
Man in tears: *sniffle* that would be nice.
Brian: I'm sure I can find you a job.
Scene Switches to Brian's House.
Brian walks in.
Sarah comes out to greet him.
Sarah: Shh. The kids are asleep.
Brian: Hey honey.
Sarah: I'm sorry Brian. I heard about the buildings being torn down.
Both walk over to the couch.
Brian: I really felt like I did some good today though. Even though I didn't save the buildings, I gave someone a job at the office.
Sarah: Thats great dear! What job did you give him?
Brian: Right now he's helping Tim clean the office. Till then he helps us here or there.
Sarah: Wonderful. Brian I am proud of you.
Looks at the clock. We better head to bed.
Brian: Ok dear.
Starts walking then pauses.
Brian: Here, let me grab those books from the cat.
Brian opens the closet door. The cat hisses and growls till Brian closes the door.
Brian: I think we'll leave the cat alone for the night.
Sarah: Good choice dear.
Both walk out of the room and scene fades.
THE END
Last edited by Ninja Cat Studios (June 16, 2015 (07:35am))