• Location: England, Isle of Wight
  • Joined: July 28, 2009

Topic: Tank Sketch

Hey guys, I was awake last night thinking about this and I've put it on paper. Its a little sketch. Not sure how I'll do it but I like it. Read it and give me feedback. If anything you think needs adding or taking away or if anything is inaccurate - tell me!



An American APC is trailing through the desert - which actually appears to be a battefield with burning wood and unexplained wrecks. The driver, whos head can just be seen poking out, is shouting out what appears to be
commands.

(Camera fixed on the front of the APC looking down it lengthways with the driver in view)

(The Driver has a very strong American Accent is very loud)

DRIVER
M60 on your left! A1 Abrams on your right! A1 Abrams on the left! M60 on your left.

The Driver stops shouting out commands and looks straight ahead. He then slowly pulls the APC to a halt.

DRIVER
(Softly)
We're here

Just then the Gunner pops out of the top of the turret.

GUNNER
Sir, why have we stopped
(He looks up and straight ahead aswell)
Oh

DRIVER
(Shakes head to get back to his normal self - loud and commander like)
Tells those useless magots to move in now

GUNNER
Yes sir
(Pops down back into the APC)

GUNNER (O.S.)
(Inside the APC)
Move move move

The sound of the back hatch door opening can be heard along with frantic talking and footsteps. Tourists appear coming out of the backend, running towards and past the camera - all in there loud, summer shirts and shorts with an insane amount of cameras! Some run past to give a few words to the Driver.

TOURIST
Thanks man, you're legend.

Another one comes up with some cash.

TOURIST
Chears dude, have a tip!

DRIVER
(Kind)
Much appreciated sir, have a nice day
(Gives a few gestures to others)
You're welcome, have a nice day, see you soon, thanks again

(Cuts to a wide angle, behind the APC with the background out focus but the forground,(APC) in focus)

On the back of the APC, banner is stuck on saying, 'Tank Tour Day!' in funky writing.

(The camera then focuses on the background - 'Mc Donalds')

THE END

Write what you think!

Last edited by Ratboy Productions (August 22, 2009 (08:19am))

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  • Joined: December 26, 2008

Re: Tank Sketch

I don't quite get it, but looks amusing. I'm not sure whether or not I should be offended or not... mini/wink One suggestion... I'd change "cheers" to "thanks;" Americans don't really say cheers, aside from a few Bostoners.

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Re: Tank Sketch

Only those from "East Boston" my friend.

  • Location: England, Isle of Wight
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Re: Tank Sketch

Noodle wrote:

I don't quite get it, but looks amusing. I'm not sure whether or not I should be offended or not... mini/wink One suggestion... I'd change "cheers" to "thanks;" Americans don't really say cheers, aside from a few Bostoners.

I don't mean to use an American as steriotyping or racist, I just find their personalities quite amusing - charming even. The joke is that, you think they are in a war, hes shouting out where the enemy is, he decides to send in what seems to be soldiers - but ends up being tourists. Its really just some tour, and shouting out where the enemy is is like a tour I suppose. 'As you can see, an Abrams is coming up on your right' and so forth. Perhaps the script needs revamping to make the idea for clearer. mini/eek

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Ratboy Productions's Website

  • Joined: December 26, 2008

Re: Tank Sketch

I got it to a point, I think you could make it a tad clearer. It may be more apparent with visuals.
Pretty funny though; I'm interested to see you pull this off. I like the idea.

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Re: Tank Sketch

Ratboy Productions wrote:

Its really just some tour, and shouting out where the enemy is is like a tour I suppose. 'As you can see, an Abrams is coming up on your right' and so forth. Perhaps the script needs revamping to make the idea for clearer. mini/eek

"AS U CAN C, AN ABRAMS IS COMING ON YOUR RIGHTS, AAAAAAAAAAARGH"...lol, sorry, I couldn't resist...well, now the joke is more clear...

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Re: Tank Sketch

pretty cool. bit odd. i don't really get it. but i like the ending.

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J.TProductions's Website

  • Location: England, Isle of Wight
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Re: Tank Sketch

J.T ProductionStudios wrote:

pretty cool. bit odd. i don't really get it. but i like the ending.

I guess if you can say you like the ending, then you must understand the punchline - I hope lol

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  • Location: MN, USA
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Re: Tank Sketch

WOO-HOO!!!!! GO AMERICA!!!!! mini/smile

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Re: Tank Sketch

BGanimations wrote:

WOO-HOO!!!!! GO AMERICA!!!!! mini/smile

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I'm so annoying. mini/mrgreen

Anywho, I like the idea, but reading it aloud makes it confusing. Maybe seeing the actual film will make me understand what's going on.

  • Location: Australia
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Re: Tank Sketch

Sounds really good! Some bits are confusing...but I'd love to see you pull this off! The storyline was perfect, and I can easily visualise it in my head. Can't wait mini/smile

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